Charlie, age 35

A belated happy birthday to my bestest guy!

It's been a hard few weeks so I hope I can be forgiven for posting this late. Charlie got a severe concussion.  Lauren is gone.  It's been confusing and complicated and busy, but I've been feeling so grateful for my loving and supportive family, for a husband who gives me all the hugs and sadness time that I need, and he is sad too.  Sometimes I feel okay, but there's this nagging feeling that I can't escape, and then I remember about Lauren and I feel so lost and sad all over again.  I think it is getting better, because that is happening less often.  Scarlett picked out a photo of she and Lauren to put on her wall in a frame, so we can look at her.  I'm not ready to hang it up yet, though.

We had a party for Charlie and it was nice, with fish tacos and lots of friends and kids.  Happy birthday to you baby, concussion and all.

Drawing

"Scarlett, is this a submarine?  Or the Titanic?"
"No Mama, it's an ALLIGATOR!"

Lauren, with love

Today, the world lost a beautiful and vibrant soul, and I will have a hole in my heart forever.  Lauren Elizabeth was my first friend in high school, when we were 15.  But years of diabetes and kidney issues, going on and off the transplant list, many false hopes and setbacks, left her body weak.  Her spirit has been so strong throughout, I just never thought I would have to say goodbye.  Lauren has always been like a sparkling light in this world.  It hasn't hit me fully yet, that her light it out.

Amidst all this heardbreak, I am very thankful.  I was able to see her and say goodbye, even though I'm told that her brain was already gone by that point.  I was able to hold her hand and cry with her family, who have treated me like family since I was a kid. 


Auntie Lauren always loved Scarlett, she always made people feel special, she always knew the right thing to say and to wear.  I will never forget you my friend.

Oaks Park

Wild West Party

Charlie and I have a history of showing up to theme parties...and Halloween... without costumes.  The idea of dressing up and putting together all the right duds is something that feels so complicated to me, I've always assumed I'm lacking the creative juice.  So this happened again with the Tombleson Wild Wild West party, but this was no big deal because they gave us mustaches and bandanas and sheriff badges.  Scarlett learned to play horseshoes, and I beat Charlie at darts.

The game of Life

Yesterday, Hope taught Scarlett, Esther and our little friend Leo how to play Life.  I was working at the kitchen table. They were in the living room.  Scarlett was yelling "I want to career!  I want to career!" and Esther, "Hope, when can I have a bayyybeee?".  Leo was watching, but mostly silent.

This morning, Scarlett and Charlie were playing Life.  "Mama!  Something bad has happened.  Daddy will not get children" (her voice was understandably sad at the end of that sentence.)  We all agreed that no children is indeed very sad for poor Charlie.

July